I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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