Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
