Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What drink are we having for lunch?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I supernannyed him into submission
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
