he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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