she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
