1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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