dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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