Quick, to the slutcave!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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