he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
