Only a mothe r could love this liver
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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