If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
