What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
