When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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