I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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