I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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