i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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