I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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