YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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