God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
