How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
