dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
