I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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