it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
