Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize