Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
