considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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