i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
