Someone shit on the floor
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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