I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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