ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
