Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
