I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
