Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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