I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
