You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
