he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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