apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
