from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
