3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Welp...herpes.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
