I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
