So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
