I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
