so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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