It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
