I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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