How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
