Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
