i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
