Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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