In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
