When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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