That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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