checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
