PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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