i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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