My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
thus making me awesome and them whores
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
