you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
