Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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