im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
