dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
