it hurts more in the daytime
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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