If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
