Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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