Someone shit on the floor
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
