The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
