I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
