I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
