sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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