eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
