I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
