I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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