i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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