Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
