So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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