Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
